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Partial articles from Rick on this site
- I want to talk you out of becoming a Christian
The things they did not tell me when I got saved would have affected my decision to become a Christian. Looking back on it now, I’m glad the LORD did not give me a peek into my future (Matthew 6:34; James 4:13-17). If the LORD had laid out what my life would have been like after ...
- Sometimes in life you have to get in a fight with someone
Sometimes in life you have to get in a fight with someone. This is not a wish, desire, or prayer request, but a common sense reality which comes with living in a sin-cursed world. It is absolutely impossible to have two humans living in close proximity to each other, for an extended period of time, and ...
- A beautiful and practical way to share the Gospel in your community
Perhaps you’re not in a position to give a lot of money to your local church for the furtherance of the Gospel. Maybe you will never have the opportunity to preach to hundreds or thousands of people about the goodness of God. For most of us the calling of God (Ephesians 5:1) to model the Gospel ...
- How to Counsel a Marriage on the Rocks – Join our Town Hall Meeting
Rick will be conducting a practical webinar Monday evening for his Membership. One of his students in the Distance Education Self-Paced Study Course is counseling couple on the verge of divorce. Rick and his student will be discussing how to counsel this situation while the other Members participate with their questions in this live Town Hall format. You can ...
- How do you counsel non-Christians with God’s Word?
Sometimes people come to me who are not Christians. Most of the time the unbeliever knows I am a Christian counselor but, for reasons which can vary, they are willing to give me a try. Counseling a non-Christian is a different kind of counseling context which requires a different way of thinking as well as a different ...
- What do you do when a person stays angry and won’t change?
Member Question – How do you encourage someone towards the Lord when they are angry at God for extensive past sexual abuse? They are angry because God did not protect them or deliver them from the abuse? When Job questioned God the LORD responded with answers like, Where were you when I laid the foundation of the ...
- How easy do you make it for a person to correct you?
The plaintiff was sheepishly sitting in her chair. The prosecuting attorney (PA) was prancing around the courtroom as though he owned the building. The plaintiff brought her complaint, but before she could finish, the PA had already interrupted with his objections based on her imperfect presentation. Okay. You got me. I made up that story. It’s ...
- Rick is doing five live webinars
How to Identify the Ruling Motives of the Heart The big idea: how can I change? If you identify the true ruling motive of your heart, then you are at the real starting place in the discipleship/counseling process. This seminar will take you to the heart, while teaching you how to identify the ruling motives of ...
- When you’re down. Need a friend. Call my name. I’ll be there. – Jesus
If you’re over 40 years old and used to be cool, your mind immediately went back to James Taylor. If you’re under 40 and thought about James Taylor, then you’re still cool. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, don’t worry about it. Let’s move on. The preacher of Hebrews is a highly skilled ...
- Counselor Interns wanted for The Father’s Ranch
The Father’s Ranch Ministries is a nouthetic residential treatment center for women and teenage girls, a non-denominational, Christ-centered counseling ministry in Tonasket, Washington. Incorporated in 1999, they provide a 6 to 18-month residential program for women in trouble, with a transitional, open-ended Next Steps program following. They serve women and teenage girls from all over the United States who are ...
- You must be willing to judge people if you’re going to help people
Biblical discernment is a huge issue for anyone who wants to care for another person. Anytime you’re discipling someone you have to make judgment calls about the person you’re discipling. There is no way around this truth. All good disciple-makers have to be comfortable with making these kinds of judgment calls. Are you comfortable making judgments ...
- Idol Swapping – I stopped looking at porn, but gained 30 pounds
You ever played “whack-a-mole” at an amusement center? It’s one of those games where plastic moles randomly pop-up while you try to whack them with a rubber mallet before they retreat back into their holes. You never know when or where one will pop up. As soon as you knock one down, another one jumps up. ...
- Office Space for rent with The Counseling Solutions Group, Inc.
I have a building on Woodruff Road, Greenville, SC, which has 8 offices for rent to like-minded ministry leaders, business entrepreneurs, and local churches. The building is just off I-385, across from Walmart. It’s a perfect location with quick access on and off the Interstate. If you are interested in more information, please email me at Rick@RickThomas.Net. Some ...
- Competitive Communication – when winning and losing is all that matters
One of the interesting things I’ve observed in the area of communication between spouses is how a lot of their talk is more about winning and losing rather than understanding each other. Is your first thought to understand the person you’re talking to or making your point as effective as you can? I call this competitive communication. ...
- You can experience God’s rest if you give up what you want
There is something about the title of this article which sounds counter-intuitive to our self-reliant and self-protective lives. Even so, doesn’t it have a biblical ring to it? You die to live (Matthew 16:24-26). You humble yourself to be exalted (Matthew 23:12). You give up to gain (Philippians 3:7) You get out to get in ...
- I lost weight by using the most effective diet plan known to man
I wonder why Christians do not talk a lot about staying fit and eating healthy. Think about the last one hundred blog articles you’ve looked at or read from Christians you trust and follow. I’m sure there has been a lot of Gospel stuff in those articles. How good are we at applying the Gospel to our personal ...
- We should relentlessly pursue rest. Are you a restful soul?
Let’s free associate: when you think about rest, what goes through your mind? What does rest mean to you and how do you obtain it? Here are a few examples of how some people pursue rest. A husband comes home from a long day at work and crashes in front of the television. A wife hustles from ...
- Sexual conversations with your spouse
You know your marriage is strong when you can have sexually oriented conversations with your spouse. Outside of having intimate discussions about what the LORD is doing in your life, there is probably no other kind of marital talk which reveals the true strength of your relationship. Though we live in a sexually explicit culture where ...
- Seven reasons a person will not change
Be careful about judging a book by its cover. Every person who comes to you for help is not always interested in being free from their problems. Just because they are sharing their trouble with you does not mean they want to change. The number of folks who really want to change is smaller than you ...
- How can I get guys to lust after me?
My name is Ally and I’m 22-years old. For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted guys to lust after me. It makes me feel good to catch the eye of a guy. Men are weak and it gives me a head rush to be able to control them. Not that I want to sleep ...
- When you can’t see what you can’t see, you need a friend. Here’s what to do.
One of the biggest misunderstandings in the church today is how some people believe a personal relationship with God is a private matter. To follow Jesus does mean to follow Him into a personal relationship. We placed our faith in Jesus and His work on the cross because we wanted to be saved. We knew we ...
- The simplest, easiest, and most powerful way to help someone to change
Your friend needs to change. How do you help him to change? Maybe your husband is stuck in a bad habit and you want him to change. How do you go about it? What is your change process? Perhaps your wife is nagging and criticizing you to death. How are you helping her to model a more gentle and caring ...
- The wisdom in dating your wife, forever
You probably won’t find a guy at the local Barnes & Noble looking for a book on how to get a girl. It’s an unnecessary thing for a guy to do because all guys know what they need to do to get a girl. Getting a girl is part of our internal wiring. The LORD knew ...
- A few thoughts on how to think about an unchangeable situation
Bobby and Billie Jean have been struggling for a long time. Bobby gets quiet and Billie Jean gets loud. The quieter Bobby gets, the louder Billie Jean gets. The louder Billie Jean gets, the quieter Bobby gets. It’s a vicious cycle, but that’s not all of the story. There is chaos everywhere. The home is loud; the marriage is on the brink ...
- Four wrong responses to sin, plus one right response
Sin demands a response and it will get one. The question is not, “Will I respond to sin?” You will. I will. The real question is, “How will I respond to sin?” Sin, like gravity, is one of those unalterable laws: it’s real; it happens. It is what we do. It’s never ignored. One way or another, we will interact with it. The ...
- I love my church, but we have to leave. I’m struggling.
Member Question – The LORD has called us to another state. We believe this is what He wants us to do. We’ve been at our local church for nearly two decades and totally love it. I’m afraid when we land in our new town our new local church will not be as good and I’ll be ...
- I’m divorced and want to remarry. What advice would you give?
Mailbag – I was recently divorced and would like to remarry. I’m 42-years old and do not consider myself a serial dater. What advice would you give a person like me? I also have two children, ages 10 and 12. I have custody of the kids. Marriage disruption is an expected outcome in today’s culture. Being ...
- Diagnosing a hard heart – a post-Easter checkup
How has your week been since Easter? Have your thoughts been situated in the victory we have in the resurrected LORD? How has the residual effect of Christ’s coming out of the tomb affected your life this week? The resurrection was a singular event intended to have ongoing power. It’s like a recyclable gift which you ...
- How do I leave my church? I’m thinking about finding another one.
Member Question – I have been growing increasingly discontent with my church. I don’t know how much of it is the church and how much is me. At this point in time I don’t know if anything would be resolved by communicating my concerns with the leadership. I am not one to church-hop. I have been ...
- My son has three wives. Practice makes perfect.
No, we have not joined the Mormon faith and we’re not polygamists. I have one wife and believe that is the only way to go. One’s enough. Two is too many. Three’s a crowd. My son is different. He is in training. I’m figuring if he can manage three wives, by the time he ties the ...
- Should Christians politically oppose the Gay lobby?
Member Question – I was wondering your thoughts on Gay marriage on the Federal level? I’m seeing a group of Christians emerging who think I’m legalistic for supporting the ban of gay marriage. They think Christians should not try to change our laws to be more God-honoring because they believe we should not push our morals ...
- How honest should I be with my spouse?
Let’s begin with the best case scenario: think about how you talk to God. I’m talking about your prayer time. Think about how He talks to you. I’m talking about through His Word. How do you all talk to each other? How do you all interact and engage each other? I suspect you are completely open, honest, transparent, and there ...
- You’re only as strong as your hope – life challenges will reveal your hope
Phil sat in my office. Discouraged. He just received news of his impending divorce. He sunk down into his chair and cried. I wept with him (Romans 12:15). I knew where we needed to go, but realized picking up and moving forward was not what he needed in the moment. The only thing appropriate for the ...
- The gay guy said, “I was born this way.”
Marcella Franseen’s article, Why you should make friends with a homosexual, has received a lot of buzz around the Internet this week. I was pleased with how Marcella thought about and presented such a delicate subject. The point of the article was a call for Christians to guard their attitudes regarding how they respond to people caught ...
- Just when you thought things were going well, the other foot falls
Read the seven verses below and tell me if you see what I see. What I want you to look for is the sequential logic of this passage. What I’m asking is, Do you expect the succeeding verse to follow the preceding verse? Would you expect verse 10 to follow verse 9? Would you expect verse ...
- The cure for discontentment, discouragement, and disappointment
The problem of evil There comes a time in our lives when we experience what has been called “disappointment with God.” I think in some ways and on some level, we all experience disappointment and discontentment in our lives. It is part of our Adamic emptiness. We were born incomplete, always lacking something, never able to be ...
- Proactive dads continue their real jobs after they come home from work
Scenario #1 – Dad comes home to his refuge. He had a long day at work and can’t wait to get home so he can kick it into neutral and have some me time. Scenario #2 – Dad comes home to continue his main job. He had a long day at work, but realizes his vocation ...
- My friend wants me to keep his sin secret. What should I do?
Luke Gilkerson from Covenant Eyes (CE) occasionally sends me questions to answer, which he receives from his readers. I’m humbled he asks and grateful to be able to serve my friends at CE. The questions below come from him. Mailbag – We often receive questions at Covenant Eyes about the issue of confidentiality. Here are a few examples: When ...
- I’m a stay-at-home-mom, but thinking about entering the workforce. Advice?
Member Question - Currently I’m a stay-at-home-mom, but have been thinking about taking a full-time job. Needless to say, it’s a tough decision for our family, but the LORD may be calling me to do this. What would be your advice for a person in my situation? As you know, the Bible does not give us ...
- Exporting modesty to the next generation
It is incumbent on the current generation of dads and moms to export biblical modesty to the next generation. There is no better context to do this than in the home. Parents have a dozen or so years to teach their children how to connect the Gospel to everyday life. Wearing clothes is about as every ...
- Modesty Wars – the conservatives vs. those who are not
The main takeaway in my Too much skin, girl. Too much skin article was the following: I exhort you to dress in such a way which does not capture the gaze of any person. It matters not if you’re male or female. Our Christian duty is to point people to Christ. Paul said it this way: So, ...
- Too much skin, girl. Too much skin. A talk on modesty
As the weather becomes warmer, the clothes start coming off our bodies. While summer is appreciated and welcomed, especially in areas which has winter climates, it also brings real and difficult sexual temptation for many people. Read part two of this series, Modesty Wars – the conservatives vs. those who are not I’ll not make a case here ...
- Trials and disappointments are two unexpected ways God shows His love to you
There are times in our lives where circumstances can mount to such a degree that we begin to doubt God’s active goodness on our behalf. These are typically situational challenges where our hope in God begins to wane. We lose our spiritual grip. We become more focused on the disappointment than the Christ we profess. Here ...
- You can be honest or experience the revenge of the conscience. Your choice.
All solid relationships are built upon honesty. The strength of any relationship you have with another person is determined by the degree of honesty you have in the relationship. This is what makes our relationship with God so powerful. His Word is truth and He is completely trustworthy. We can trust the LORD because He never ...
- Can you help us in our marriage? We can’t resolve our conflict?
Member Question - My husband and I do not get along well. What do you think may be the problem? How can we fix our marriage? Do you love Christ? All questions, regardless of what they are, must begin with Christ. He is the central figure in all Scripture and all history. He should be the central ...
- What are some signs of spiritual abuse from a pastor?
Member Question – Can you give some clear examples of signs of how a pastor or church leader is crossing the line from being a shepherd to a spiritual abuser? It would be helpful to know when to support a pastor when he is truly trying to defend and protect his flock from outside/wrong influence ...
- Dear Pastor, You’re not doing enough. Signed, Gossiping Church Member
Member Question – Recently someone came to me saying a church member was not happy about how much time I spend working for the church. They thought I should be at every function, e.g., pot luck dinners, bowling nights, and car washes. They don’t seem to understand what is involved with caring for my family or ...
- What to do when your suffering reaches the limits of your ability to endure
The heat in Carl’s life usually has more effect on him than the Gospel. Carl is like a lot of us. He can easily become more controlled by his troubles than the Savior he loves and professes to follow. Though his faith is genuine, he is easily overcome by the cares of this world. It doesn’t ...
- These are my teaching notes to a foster parent class I recently taught
Recently I had the opportunity to teach a class for foster parents. It was personally enriching for me to be around these heroes of the faith. The following are some of the notes and the actual sketches we worked through during our time together. Like this:Like Loading...
- The story of the narcissist who became other-centered
Imagine a person standing in the center of a universe which he created. All roads lead to himself. To get near him is to be sucked into the vacuum of his selfishness. Me, my, and I describe his daily thoughts. It’s self-esteem on steroids. It’s self-interest run amuck. It’s the antithesis to Paul’s appeal to us ...
- Thinking Biblically about spiritual abuse
When you think about spiritual abuse what comes to your mind? What do you think about? Spiritual abuse is a broad category in that it can encompass many different contexts and situations. Not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. – 1 Peter 5:3 (ESV) I think most people would equate spiritual ...
- The long term effect of negative parental influences
Generally speaking, there are four ways in which our parents can shape what we become as adults. We become just like one of them. We react, choosing not to be like one of them. We become what Christ has called us to be. We become a combination of 1-3 above. This story is about Jack, who reacted to how his ...
- Thinking Biblically about those who have been victimized by sexual abuse
This article will not resonate with every one who reads it. The reason for this is because sexual abuse is not normally on our radars. It’s like the abortion debate. Most people who are involved with the abortion issue have either, Had an abortion, Knows someone who has had an abortion, Or has been in a counseling situation ...
- I have questions about a counseling ministry, counseling in the local church, and more
Member Question: I have been in pastoral ministry for a while now. I’ve been thinking about taking your certification track to sharpen my skills as a counselor. I’ve read your short and long forms on your website, which explain your program. Very helpful. I have several questions which are of a personal nature and wondered if ...
- HELP! My friend is throwing away her faith for a man
Member Question: I have a friend who struggles with porn and fornication. She is in her early twenties. She seemed to be making a clear break from her sin, but recently met a guy and they had sex. She was reared in a Christian home and really seemed to have a heart for the LORD. After ...
- If you could only export one thing to your child, what would it be?
Let’s say your child is 27-years old and your parenting is finished. You’ve given your child your best advice, wisdom, training, example, and prayers. Let’s say your child can only have one takeaway from all your parenting. What would you want your child to retain? Let’s say your child is 3-years old and your parenting has ...
- How do you help a teen girl who longs for a relationship with her mother?
Member Question: I have a teenage girl who lives with her grandmother, who adopted the girl as a baby. Her bio-mother is an addict, who now wants to re-enter the girl’s life. Her dad is out of the picture. The girl wants to have a relationship with her bio-mom, but attempts have been interrupted by ...
- The simplest counseling advice you’ll ever receive
If you are discipling or counseling someone, I’d like for you to share this article with them. I have also included some assessment questions which will help you to care for them more effectively. When I finished my BA program nearly twenty-five years ago my pastor asked me what I learned from four years of studying ...
- Is it okay to get drunk–only a little bit?
Member Question: A young Christian man asked if unintentionally slipping into drunkenness is a sin. He understands being a drunkard is a sin. He is asking where is the Scriptural support declaring occasional drunkenness as a sin. He does not believe it is. (Due to the amount of email traffic I receive on a daily basis ...
- Five sure-fire ways to motivate your child to use pornography
Before I get into five sure-fire ways to motivate your child to use pornography let me establish two important points. The first is no parent wants their child to become involved in pornography. We all can agree on this. The problem for many of us is we do not understand the insidious allurement of pornography and ...
- Emotional problems are thinking problems; change thinking to change emotions
Marsha came to counseling on the verge of an emotional breakdown, so she said. Jan asked how she could work through the emotional abuse from her husband. Cindy has concerns about her erratic emotional problems. All three of these ladies have self-diagnosed themselves as struggling with their emotions. They are convinced they have emotional problems. All three of them are ...
- Redefining ministry and expanding it beyond the church building
Kendra struggles with discouragement and an ongoing state of being overwhelmed. She works a full-time job which does not pay enough. She is also a full-time student, studying to be an architect at Clemson University. Needless to say, her plate is full and most days wind to an end before her to-do list is complete. In ...
- A child’s call to disciple her dad
From the mailbag – I am in my 20s and I found my dad viewing pornography on the computer. Honestly, it came as a shock to me and has been a difficult thing to work through. I have read some of the blogs on Covenant Eyes. The articles addressed for wives have helped me learn how ...
- Christian Legalism: people-pleasing and the performance trap
Legalism is the bane of religion. It’s the persistent nemesis in all of our hearts. Though legalism is usually discussed as it pertains to our salvation, I’m speaking more of how it affects our sanctification. Most Christians I encounter do not struggle with a works salvation mentality. They fully embrace Ephesians 2:8-9 as the only way ...
- Mean wives and their husbands who should love them anyway
I have been accused (my word, not theirs) of writing too much on how husbands need to change. Of course, my accusers are husbands. They may be right. I do think a lot about husbands for two primary reasons: I am one, which motivates me to give a lot of thought about how to be a ...
- How to discern and help someone with a worship disorder
God made us to worship. That is what we do. When sin entered into the world the desire to worship did not change. What changed were the options available to us which could be worshipped. If you were to ask me if I worshipped today I would say, “Yes.” If I were to ask you if you worshipped today you ...
- A child’s experience with her father has a lasting impact on her view of God
To fear God is not to be afraid of Him, but to be drawn into ever-growing awe, amazement, and wonder as you think about and relate to Him. The love of our heavenly Father is extraordinary, though it’s not a child’s first experience with a father. I’ll never forget the day Julie was sitting in my ...
- The benefits of legalism
Now that I have your attention, let’s talk about the benefits of legalism and before you say I’ve lost my mind, it might serve you well to think about what we can learn from the past which many of us lived. Though my title is more about getting your attention, there is a serious problem which ...
- How to help an immature husband
Mailbag: Would you be willing to write something about living with an immature husband and how to respond biblically to him? The Case Study about Chad Chad is immature and insecure. If Kathy says anything which relates to him, their marriage, or the need for change, Chad takes it personally and usually sulks about what was said. Kathy doesn’t feel ...
- How to become a believing believer
Are you a believer? I live in the heart of what is called the Bible belt. Everyone in my region of the U.S. is a believer. The reason I know this is because if you ask most anyone in this area if they are a Christian, they will answer in the affirmative. It is not unusual for them to ...
- The wisdom in introducing sin to your family
Terri said she never saw her parents argue. This means: (1) she never saw her parents confess their sins; (2) she never saw her parents pursue genuine forgiveness; (3) and she never saw her parents repent. Her parents were “good” Christian people, but sin was something they never talked about. Terri is a second generation Christian who happens to be ...
- Daddy and daughter discussion about justification and sanctification
Recently my 11-year old daughter asked, “If you do something wrong, are you still a Christian?” It was one of those “can you lose your salvation” questions. She asked it during a time when other things were going on so I did not take the time to talk to her about it. I simply said “No, you can’t lose ...
- Your husband’s problems are your problems. Your wife’s problems are your problems.
Introduction (This is session four of Rick’s marriage conference–Centering Your Marriage on Christ.) Here is a silly story. It’s not true. It’s just a silly story. The other day I was trimming back some briars behind our fence in the backyard. I caught my arm on some of the briars. One of the thorns broke the skin and made a slight laceration ...
- Essential qualities of an effective wife
Introduction (This is session three of Rick’s marriage conference–Centering Your Marriage on Christ.) Who is the biggest sinner in your home? Have you ever thought about that question? Write down, in your mind, your answer to the question. How did you answer it? The way you answered the question will affect how you work on the relational issues which ...
- Essential qualities of an effective husband
Introduction (This is session two of Rick’s marriage conference–Centering Your Marriage on Christ.) Every gardener has a garden. It’s common sense. If you plan to take up gardening, then you have to get a garden. My grandfather was an expert gardener. Though I did not appreciate his garden at the time, I reflect back on it now and I’m ...
- Five core elements on which to build your life, marriage, and family
Introduction (This is session one of Rick’s marriage conference–Centering Your Marriage on Christ.) When you come to a marriage conference, where do you expect the teacher to begin? What is the first topic you want to hear? Something on communication? Anger? Sex? All of these are essential topics because all of us are affected by these things. The ...
- Planning your escape from trouble in 5 practical steps
Escape routes are important. You always want to know how to get out of a tight spot. We don’t usually think about evacuation routes until we need them. That is fine–as long as you know how to escape when the time comes. The problem for many of us is we have not thought much about how ...
- A simple way to discern people – figuring them out to help them biblically
One of the many peculiarities of our over-psychologized age in which we live is our culture’s affinity for figuring out personalities. The peculiarity is not so much with our culture’s fascination with the idea of our personality, as it is how the church has jumped in bed with our culture’s definitions, interpretations, and applications. I realize ...
- My wife won’t meet my expectations or adjust to my preferences
People who know me well know my wife can’t tell time. That’s how I tell it anyway. I like to say she lives on island time and I live on military time. Imagine those two types getting married. Well, we did get married and my anility toward time and her laissez-faire attitude toward time has been ...
- How come I will never gain complete victory over being insecure?
Member Mailbag – While I was reading your article, How to train a flea – Also called, How to be controlled by others, one comment jumped out at me. You said, “For perspective sake, it takes a lifetime to work through fear of man issues. Truthfully, we won’t be completely free from this sin until we ...
- 7 steps to change your life
The process of change is not as easy as it may appear. I suppose if it were easy, we would be able to do it and get on with our lives. Occasionally you’ll hear stories about a person who was convicted by the Spirit of some sin, he repented, and was redemptively changed from his ...
- Mind Mapping – A roadmap which reflects life choices
There are times in our lives where we find ourselves in circumstances which we cannot figure out how we ever got there. We wake up one morning realizing our life has not turned out the way we hoped or the way we planned. My friend Suzy was such a person. She sat in her room utterly ...
- How to train your flea – Also called, How to be controlled by others
Have you ever trained a flea? It’s a simple process. All you need is a flea or a flock of fleas (not sure if flock is the right word), a Mason jar, and a lid. Next, you take your flea and put him/her (not sure how to tell the difference) in the Mason jar. Then you ...
- Will you let me sin, please?
There are two general categories of people who attend a local church meeting on any given Sunday. Those who sin and admit it and those who sin and are unwilling or tentative about admitting it. The one common denominator is we all sin. The admit-ers is a smaller group than the tentative group. I suppose as ...
- My son committed suicide one year ago – a mother’s testimony
This article was written by one of our Members. It has been a joy to serve her this past year. The grace of God has been evident in her life as she worked through one of the most difficult situations a person could endure. One year anniversaries can mark many things. Often, they are reminders of ...
- When you catch your husband sexually exploiting children
I caught my husband saving child porn. I held onto these images, even though I told my husband and his parents that I destroyed them. I was in shock for months but knew of his past molestation and abuse. I felt sorry for him. Then I caught him doing it again–downloading child porn. This time I ...
- An overrated question: Do you have a book for ________?
I love books. I’ve always had a love affair with books. I have many books–hundreds of them. I recommend books and often give books away. I’m sure you can point to a particular book which God used to impact your life. I can point to several. This is not a rant against books, but a call ...
- Deadbeat husband – Wife left to ponder her future
Member Question – I’m trying to help a wife figure out what to do with her future. She’s working on her marriage, but wants to be used by God in ministry, but also desires to make some money. Can you think of anything you’ve written that would help? You’re asking three different questions. To alliterate, I ...
- The number one sign of authentic Christianity
One of my favorite podcasts is from Redeemer Church in Manhattan, NY. This is the church where Tim Keller serves. They put out a new podcast each month. I have 70 of them sitting in queue which I can listen to at any time. Last week I was scrolling through the list and found one called ...
- Can a person’s family become an idol?
Member Question – Can a person’s family become an idol? I live in an area where family is king. Even when people do not like their families, they are still king! Blood ties are strong. My experience has been that for some people new covenant relationships will always play “second fiddle” to the natural relationships regardless ...
- How much time should I give to my local church?
Member Question - How much time should a person give to his/her local church? I serve in my local church, but it consumes an awful lot of my time and I am in process of deciding what I need to step out of or at least how I might change my approach to serving in ...
- Women drawing attention to themselves
Backward Porn Addiction – When women draw attention to themselves is the all-time most popular article on our website. You can read the entire web version of this article by clicking Backward Porn. This article is also part of our Devotional Series which we provide for the Members of our site. You can download this free PDF edition of Backward ...
- The wisdom in hand-picking your friends
While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” – Matthew 4:18-19 (ESV) The title of this article may sound ...
- Are you overweight? We must talk.
Guess what? It’s New Years. It’s the best time of the year for a resolution and what better thing is there to think about than your weight? Okay, it’s probably not the best thing to think about but let’s do it anyway. Typically after the long holiday season and the approach of the New Year, the fitness ...
- Post-Christmas follow-up: are you happy?
This Christmas I was reminded of the Father’s joy when His children become excited about the gift of His Son. My children had been ramping up for Christmas all week. Maybe it is more accurate to say all month. Every day, since the Christmas tree was decorated, they asked, “How many days daddy?” It is hard for me to ...
- Christmas is the beginning of the end of my guilt and shame
As long as I am stricken with the guilt of my sins, I will be captive to them. In such cases I will often find myself re-committing the very sins about which I feel most guilty. The Gospel slays sin at this root point and, thereby, nullifies sin’s power over me. The forgiveness of God, made known to ...
- Christmas is more than a baby
Four different creative acts for four different people In the beginning the LORD created man without a man or a woman. The man was Adam Then the LORD created a woman without a woman. The woman was Eve. Then the LORD created people with a man and a woman. The rest of us. Then the LORD created a man ...
- What do Bob Jones University and Sovereign Grace Ministries have in common?
How much power should a para-Church organization be able to exert over a local church? Should a local church submit to a para-Church organization? This past Sunday the members of Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, MD (CLC) affirmed their pastor’s desires not to allow a para-Church organization to have any authority over them. Covenant Life Church was the founding ...
- Preparing your heart for tragedy, like Newtown, CT
Sometimes the English language is inadequate when it comes to conveying our thoughts. Thinking about the tragedy in Newtown, CT is one of those times when words fall short. This event renders my mind to something like a busy intersection in gridlock. I have not stopped thinking about the tragedy since I heard about it in ...
- The reason I stopped hating my dad
My dad took his first drink when he was 21-years old. He took his last drink 21-years later. In-between his first and last drink he never stopped drinking. This may be odd to you, but I’m gonna say it: I do not know what a normal dad smells like. My dad was not a normal dad: he smelled odd. His ...
- The digital story of the nativity – YouTube Video
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- When a man’s job becomes everything
A man’s job was never meant to be like the tail wagging the dog. In this illustration the tail is the job and the dog is the family. When the job becomes the main thing, the family will become a lesser thing. This is what happened to Marcus and Ruth. Marcus loved his job. He loved ...
- The most perfect relationship a married couple can have
When Sean and Nelly were married they appeared to be the perfect pair. They were high school sweethearts and were virtually inseparable. They went to the same church and kept themselves pure throughout their courtship. After marriage Sean went into the ministry and Nelly was excited to be married to her preacher man. They were best ...
- Thoughts on how to walk in the Spirit
My number one all-time prayer is for the Spirit of God to give me awareness and perception regarding His work in my life and into the world which I live. Each day and throughout my day this is my prayer. I want to know what He wants me to do. God promised to put His Spirit ...
- How to live with imperfect people
Illustration #1 - A few years ago my friend Chris and his wife came to our home. After he entered and while I was not looking, he turned one of my lamp shades cockeyed. Chris knew I would eventually notice and fix it. Later, as I was talking to Chris, I noticed the lamp shade over his right ...
- My husband won’t talk – working through communication problems
“How can I help you?” “We don’t communicate well.” And that is how many counseling sessions begin. The truth of the matter is they do not have a communication problem or better said, it is not their primary problem. Rarely does anyone have a communication problem as the main problem. We all can talk. At least most of us can. The ...
- The six things which seek to control our lives
I struggled with the title to this article. Here were my first two choices, but decided not to use them because they were either too long or did not feel right: Six common struggles which can replace God in your life Six common themes which are controlling elements in our lives Here is a question you never ask ...
- Murder, gun control, and the National Football League
From Jason Whitlock at Fox Sports Jovan Belcher, a starting linebacker for the Chiefs, murdered the mother of his child shortly before 8 a.m. Saturday . He hopped in his car, drove to the Kansas City Chiefs practice facility, thanked Romeo Crennel and Scott Pioli — and shot himself in the head in front ...
- Jump on our Christmas Promotion
Don’t be timid. This promotion is just for you. During the month of December we’re offering a special promotion for anyone who joins our Member Site as an Annual, Two-Year, or Lifetime subscriber. We are giving away all of the books from one John Calvin and one Jay Adams commentary series. If you become an Annual, ...
- Can we learn from Abraham Lincoln and Daniel Day-Lewis?
Hey Rick – My wife and I went to see Lincoln the other night and were blown away by the acting of Daniel-Day Lewis in his portrayal of Abe Lincoln. My wife read how he would continue to speak in “Lincoln’s” voice throughout the day, even when they were not filming. He immerses his entire ...
- My friends say they are Christians, but don’t act like it. How do you respond?
Hey Rick, I have several acquaintances who say they are Christians, but their fruit does not reflect their profession. I could be wrong, but they seem more comfortable with the label of Christianity than following Jesus. I want to reach then in love. Do you have any experience with this? (This is a sample of some ...
- A theology of gift giving – going beyond Christmas
On Christmas day people all over the world will be exchanging presents. It is part of what our culture does on that day. It’s tradition. As with all traditions it does not have to be connected to its original intent. Many traditions lose their original meaning after a while. Christmas most certainly has lost its Christo-centric meaning ...
- The Santa Claus Question – What do I tell my children about him?
Mailbag: Rick, what are your thoughts on Santa, Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy as far as what you tell your kids? Do you tell them these characters are real or not? Is this harmless fun or is there a problem with deception going on here? I suppose most parents who have young kids have wrestled through the ...
- A Case Study in “Grace Abuse”
Last year my son had a large splinter in his big toe. It was too deep for me to get out with the tools and expertise I possess. Fortunately I have a good friend who is a doctor. He possesses the expertise and the tools for such a situation as a splinter in a toe. I ...
- Get CE’s “How to Guide for Private Browsing”
From Covenant Eyes - Many of you are aware of the recent release of the iPhone 5 and the frenzied excitement it has stirred up. Or maybe you or someone you know has a child in a school where they were given iPads instead of textbooks. But did you know Apple’s mobile operating system allows individuals to ...
- Quick and “dirty” tips for building a relationship
“It is so hard to make friends at our church.” Struggles in building relationally with others is one of the more common complaints I hear from church people. It is also a common denominator in the counseling office. This is not strange because it is our Adamic tendency. We’re born isolationists. Being open and honest does not ...
- Troubled Teens – Where do we go from here? – 10.0
Children are a precious gift from God, but much anxiety comes with them. In all cases, the Word of God gives us one receipt for the curing of all their ills, Bring him unto me (Mark 9:19). Never must we cease to pray until they cease to breathe. No case is hopeless while Jesus lives. The Lord ...
- No thanks for Thanksgiving
The following is a Case Study, which is part of our Distance Education Training Course. My students receive 48 Case Studies throughout their program. My purpose in posting this one here is to draw attention to the people who are lonely during the holidays. The holiday season is not a special time for many of our ...
- Thanksgiving, turkeys, and foul family members
There are three kinds of people in this world: Christians. Non-Christians. People you don’t like. This third category can represent Christians or non-Christians. It’s the group we don’t particularly care to be around if we have a choice in the matter. When it comes to picking a team of close friends, they are last to be selected. I suspect some ...
- A way you can carry the practical Gospel around the world
We have a twofold vision at The Counseling Solutions Group, Inc. It’s straightforward: (1) to take the Gospel to every person on the planet; (2) to live 25 years after I die. This can happen by the replication of Christian leaders and the redemptive use of technology–the first point necessitates the second point due to ...
- Black Friday – How to get your game on if you’re crazy enough to do it
Did you know there is a theological way of looking at Black Friday? It’s not a stretch to think about it this way. In fact, it would be a good idea if your Christmas season was interpreted through a theological filter. Each year I’m challenged to rethink shopping and materialism as the demands of the ...
- I taught my child how to cuss. You can put your fingers in your ears now.
Before you get all up in arms about this article, let me ask you a few questions. Will your child learn curse words? Who will teach your child curse words? From what context do you want your child to learn her first curse words? Does your child have a theology of curse words? Who is teaching your child a theology ...
- Dad’s job is to transition children to young adults
The two most important timeframes in a child’s life are from birth to two years old and from ten to twelve years old. The first window of time is the child’s early developmental years. The second window is the child’s early transition to becoming an adult. During the first two years dependency to the parents is developed. During ...
- Dad, you’re the first picture your child will see of God the Father
We were sitting at an intersection when my 6-year old daughter said, “Daddy, that Blues Clues paw print is orange.” Blues Clues was a once popular kid’s program about a dog named Blue who would leave his paw print in three different places during the show. Each paw print sighting would reveal a clue. Once you had ...
- A revolutionary idea for sanctification: the local church
The most common email requests I get from people are questions regarding specific situations in their lives. Every morning when I wake up there are emails from real people with real problems, looking for practical answers. They are not interested in what a book says. They don’t want to hear another sermon. They’re looking for someone who will take ...
- Troubled Teens – Is there hope for my kid? – 9.0
Bill and Mary are at the end of their rope. Robby has been in rebellion for five years now. They have tried everything including four different counselors. They have gotten back into church and even made him go to church. They’ve talked with their friends and have checked out a teen camp for boys. They have used ...
- Getting Real – How to love difficult and disappointing people
The heart of the Gospel is about loving difficult people. This is the purpose and point of the Bible–to show us how to love the unlovable. The primary example of how this is accomplished is through the death of Jesus Christ on a cross, for undeserving people (Ephesians 5:1). The LORD does not ask us to ...
- The morning after … the American election
There are two big groups of people in America today. You could call them the winners and the losers. The happy and the sad. The glad and the mad. The hopeful and the discouraged. Regardless of the group you may belong to, the LORD has a word for you: If you are a Christian, your hope ...
- Exceptional new book released by CCEF – Heart of the Matter
New Growth Press asked if I would review CCEF’s new book, Heart of the Matter. They sent a pre-release copy several months ago and I have been enjoying it ever since. The Heart of the Matter is a 365 daily devotional, which will bless you for years to come. I started reading the book like you would read ...
- Troubled Teens and the liability of counseling – 8.0
In the early 1900′s Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung were on a boat, heading toward America. Sigmund leaned over to Carl and said, “We’re going to change the world.” That is what they did. Their philosophies and methods replaced the local church as the primary place for soul care. One hundred years later in Christendom, the ...
- I do not want to have kids. Is that wrong?
Mailbag – Hey Rick! Can you help me with something? I’ve never had a desire to have kids and wondered if that was wrong. Is it? What would you tell a person who did not want kids? This is an intriguing question. The first place I would begin is with the Bible and what the Bible ...
- Signs of the Gospel becoming the new legalism
I think it is safe to say the word Gospel (Jesus Christ) is the most popular word in Evangelicalism today. It is probably safe to say the LORD is satisfied with this focus. Whenever His creation makes much of His Son–the most succinct definition of the Gospel, then He is well pleased. Jesus Christ is the Gospel: He was ...
- Pathology of a marriage problem and its solution in 13 steps
Mark has been frustrated with Anne for most of their marriage. It did not used to be this way. They were high school sweethearts. Their eventual marriage was destiny–that’s how they thought about it. Anne was everything to Mark and he was the apple of her eye. Then they got married. When a couple gets married, ...
- A Progression from Pain to Purpose
Aileen sat in my office with her head hung down. She could not imagine things ever changing. She just heard the worst news of her life–her husband, Ryan, was caught in an affair. Though she did not ask for it, pain was foisted upon her. Aileen’s life changed with one email. Picking up the pieces seemed ...
- Caring for the clueless
Let’s go ahead and level the playing field: we’re all clueless to some degree. We all need help. We all need grace. It does not matter which demographic you represent, you need grace and mercy. We are grace-dependent creatures. Husbands - When I get angry at my wife, I’m having a theologically detached moment (TDM). I’m partially ...
- Troubled Teens – caution for the counselor – 7.0
After two hours of counseling, Peter asked me if I was ever going to talk about God. I asked him what he meant and he said, We have been talking for two hours and you haven’t said anything about God. When are you going to talk about God? I said to Peter, “Well now, since you have ...
- 10 excuses for not changing – 10 tips to help you change
The strongest and most profound implication of the Gospel is a person can change if he really wants to. The Gospel equals transformation. Christ came to change us and His grace is sufficient to get the job done, if we want to appropriate it. Two of the more common reasons I hear from Christians for why ...
- Does your church have a Gospel-edge?
I’m going to work from the general premise most Christian men and women are not cared for the way they need to be cared for, as it pertains to their sanctification. This has been my experience in caring for people through counseling. In almost all cases when a person comes to me for care, part of ...
- A reason to be angry?
Lawrence messed up his marriage. He authentically repented. God forgave him. Now he is asking his wife to forgive him. His wife is unwilling to forgive. She is still angry at Lawrence. She says she has forgiven him, but it’s not true. She’s using Christian-speak to justify her actions, but the proof is in the actions–she ...
- Troubled Teens rebel because they are rebels – 6.0
Let’s suppose both parents have contributed to the teen’s rebellion, which they have to some degree. Let’s further suppose both parents are walking out humility, as seen in their repentance to God and to their child. This is a best case scenario when it comes to the parents of a troubled teen. At that point what ...
- Unkind dads tempt children to have a poor relationship with God
To fear God is not to be afraid of Him I’ll never forget the day Julie was sitting in my office crying. I asked her why she was crying and she said it was because she was looking at my Bible on the desk. That was perplexing to me. Therefore, I asked, “When you look at ...
- The angry dad
Few things will send a child scurrying down the black hole of dysfunction more than the angry dad. An angry dad in the home is the metaphorical equivalent of rolling a child’s heart through a mine field. He lives between two worlds: (1) striving to be perfect for his dad and (2) receiving exasperating disapproval from his dad. The accumulative ...
- Bitterness: Put the cup down; you’re poisoning yourself.
Joy is bitter at her husband, John. John is mostly oblivious to the frustration which silently churns in Joy’s mind. He’s doing his own thing and if you ask him about their problems he would say, “We’re doing okay. Sometimes Joy gets a bit upset, but all-in-all we’re doing well.” Every time Joy hears him say ...
- Troubled Teens – telling mom the truth – 5.0
Betty married a passive husband. She has longed for him to take the spiritual lead in their home, but he has never obliged. She has tried everything from grinning and bearing through it to nagging him to get off his spiritual duff. She has used other tactics too. Withholding sex has been one of her old standbys, while ...
- How to help boys to become biblical men
Member Mailbag – Rick my son is pushing away from my wife. He’s fourteen years old. I’ve noticed a growing embarrassment from him toward his mother. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he hardly responds, only to say it’s weird to still be hanging out with mom. He’s a good kid and seems ...
- A game of thrones – Who will be king over your life?
A throne addiction is when a person refuses to allow God to be King of his life. The addict has fully bought into the first lie of Satan–you can be god. (Genesis 3:5). Everybody is pre-wired with a throne addiction. It is why we must be born a second time (John 3:7). The bad news is ...
- Troubled Teens – the tale of the sinner and the Christian – 4.0
The sinner teen Ricky was born into a dysfunctional home. His dad was an angry drunk and his mom was a bitter, hurt, lonely, and angry. His brothers were angry and unkind. Ricky’s life was predetermined chaos. He smoked his first cigarette by the time he was 12-years old. At 13 he was a novice shoplifter and ...
- Troubled Teens and the false continuum – 3.0
While downtown at a local family event a lady commented on how cooperative our kids were. Then she said, “Enjoy them now because when they become teenagers it will all change.” She may be a prophet and her assessment is spot on. I don’t know. Stay tuned. They are not teenagers yet. Her perspective could be ...
- The perfect candidate
Here is a list of potential candidates for leadership. After a lengthy vetting process I have eliminated all of them but one. No doubt the best guy is the most qualified guy. Before you cast your vote, make sure you know the truth about these guys. Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference ...
- Troubled Teens and dads who lead poorly – 2.0
True story - Several years ago Jeannie came to counseling because her daughter, Susi, was in serious rebellion. Susi was 12-years old at the time. As I began to unpack what was going on in the home, Jeannie told me when Susi was five years old she asked her mom, “Why does daddy love Johnny more ...
- Troubled Teens – Myth or Truth – 1.0
Beth calls you about her son Josh. He’s 16 and in rebellion. The patterns of rebellion were a whisper in years past, but have now grown into a full-fledged storm that is consuming the entire family. Beth is hurting, confused and desperate. She is also impatient. She wants help and she wants it now. Her husband ...
- Second Chances – Why God gives them and why we need them
“God is a God of second chances.” Have you ever heard that expression? It’s one of those things we say about God. It is a Christian cliché, but it’s a good one. If you are a Christian, then you have received a second chance. Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and ...
- The Presidential Election – a Christian perspective
(This entire article has been formatted for distribution. Click Presidential Election to download. You may also add a link to your website and newsletters. Share broadly.) Per chance you have been living under a rock this past year and have not heard, there is an election happening in the United States this coming November. Americans will go ...
- How do I help my teen? He does not want me speaking into his life.
Mailbag – My teenage son, Forrest, (17) is upset with me because I want to put accountability software on his computer. He says I’m too intrusive and it’s weird for a mom to be checking up on him. My impulse is to do it anyway, regardless of what he says. I would like to make a ...
- Sex for a woman, according to a man – PG 13
Sex is one of the quickest indicators to find out how a couple is doing in their marriage. Why? Because it is the most intimate thing they will ever physically do together. It’s different from talking, dating, going to dinner, or watching a ballgame. Sex requires more. Sex demands more from two people. You can do ...
- Salvation Management: Stewarding the LORD’s salvation?
Jonah said salvation belongs to the LORD (Jonah 2:9). There is no doubt about his statement. Salvation is God’s and He can choose to do with it what He wants to. Salvation does not belong to us. It is God’s. Though Jonah messed up in several ways, he was not totally off his rocker when it ...
- Relationship Competency – Do you qualify to have a spouse?
What would it be like if you had to qualify to be married? What if being a husband or a wife was on the same level of being selected for a high-ranking job? It sounds absurd in our culture, where a person is “qualified” to have a relationship by the time he is 10 to 12-years ...
- God appoints trouble for you because He loves you
And the LORD appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. – Jonah 1:17 (ESV) Let’s pretend you’re in Sunday school and your 3rd grade teacher tells you the story of Jonah and the whale. It sounds pretty cool doesn’t it? You ...
- Forcing others to change will spin your life into relational dysfunction
Joe was a bottom line guy. Only one thing mattered–the end result. He would say, “Here’s the goal. Let’s go. Whatcha waiting for?” And he was always the one who determined how things ought to be. His way or the highway was his secret sauce and he could back it up–he was a successful businessman. In his town ...
- Why “hate the sin, love the sinner” can be dangerous theology
Member Mailbag – I hear this term a lot: “hate the sin, but love the sinner” or “hate the crime, but not the criminal.” It sounds like an excuse to hang out with people, while ignoring their sin. I find it hard to separate the sin from the sinner. I’m not saying I hate people. The ...
- Yes, we had premarital sex while dating, but why did he commit adultery in marriage?
Ryan and Sally came in for counseling because Sally caught Ryan in an adulterous relationship. She was hurt and angry and the most important thing in the moment was to care for her soul. While many things needed to be sorted out because of missing details, it was the pain she was experiencing that needed immediate ...
- Listening to sexual abuse
Felicity was nine years old when her cousin first starting going into her room. He was twelve. They weren’t particularly close, but did hang out some. He lived across the street. That was the beginning of many years of sexual abuse, though she would not call it that. She had no idea about the birds or ...
- Generational Curses – Are you cursed?
One of our Members asked the generational curse question. This question is not asked as often as it is stated, especially in a counseling context. I’ve heard it many times in counseling, where a person talks about how they are under some sort of curse. Here is a real counseling situation where a girl believed she was ...
- A way to think about God when He hurls a storm at you
What do you think about when a storm comes into your life? When things are really bad for you, how do you think about the bad things? Where does your mind go? This is what this article is about. I suppose most of us are tempted to focus more on the storm–the trouble–than the God of ...
- Mid-Life Crisis – when you long for your world to reflect your heart
Paul lay on the hotel bed wondering where it all went wrong. His brain was quickly replaying the highlights and decisions of his life quicker than he was changing channels on the remote. The crisis revealed Nancy his wife of 25 years had just kicked him out of the house. She found out about the adultery he ...
- How to disciple your wife
One of the most important jobs a man will ever have is the discipleship care of his wife. Apart from his (1) affections for Christ and (2) the care he provides for his own soul, he does not have a more important opportunity. It is even more important than his job. Why? A job is a ...
- Why do actions speak louder than words? Because they are your real beliefs.
You ever wondered how it is possible to believe the right things, but yet do the wrong things? It happens all the time–at least to me. I’m daily put in situations where I have the opportunity to do the right thing. Sometimes, in those moments, I make the wrong choice–even when I know what the right ...
- My husband does not see a problem with our marriage
It is not unusual for a marriage to be out-of-balance or spiritually off-kilter. There can be many reasons for this. Here are a few ideas of how two partners can be so “in love” at the beginning of their marriage and drift apart within a few years after marriage. They have differing affections for Christ. One spouse ...
- When working through a situational difficulty, you must start here
When a problem comes into your life, where do you begin working through the problem? What is your starting point? What is your first thought when you know you have something challenging to work through? May I make a suggestion? The first lesson in problem solving begins with God. He is your starting point, but more ...
- Why am I still tempted? Help me!
Mailbag - Hey Rick, I read your article Five helpful marks to assess if a person has really changed and it raised a few questions for me. What if you keep getting tempted by the same sin over and over again and you worry you will eventually be worn down? Does this mean you haven’t changed? If someone ...
- When looking for porn…begin in the heart
Where would you look to locate the primary problem with pornography? In our culture? Are you tempted to initially react to the sensual realities of our culture? You should react! You should be concerned! But when you address the porn problem, are you more inclined to begin the discussion with the prevalent, pervasive, cultural, immodesty issues? Granted it should be part ...
- 12 Short Life Lessons for Teenagers
I have been asked to put my “life lessons for teens” articles in a shorter “teen friendly” (think short attention span) format. This article is just that. I took the two longer articles and put them in 12 shorter articles you can click to read individually. You can also send any or all of these micro articles to ...
- Does your husband know you are for him?
Husbands are fragile people. We have sensitive egos. We may come across as strong and indifferent, but that’s just presentation. We’re actually quite needy. I wonder if wives know this. Do you know this? I wonder if wives are aware how much their husbands need them. Read on. I’m going to break the code of men and reveal the secret handshake. God did say He was ...
- An appeal from a former Sovereign Grace Ministries pastor
This is a hard article to write. I’m torn in several different directions, but compelled to bring focus in one way: people are hurting. Let that point be the fulcrum on which you balance what you’re about to read. Let’s begin with a story that succinctly makes the point I want to make here. The Savior said, A man ...
- Get your questions answered here
Every day new emails arrive from people looking for answers. I am humbled God would use this work to serve so many. In the beginning of our ministry it was easy to respond to all the requests. As the LORD’s favor has increased, we’ve had to come up with alternate means to serve so many ...
- People will disappoint you – Why does that bother you?
Let me tell you about Bob. Oh my word. He is so annoying. He does this thing and after a while it becomes downright irritating. It seems someone should talk to him. I would, but I’ve done that before with others and it didn’t go so well. And while I’m at it…there’s my local church. I have no idea why they can’t get ...
- The danger of trying to please God
Sandra has struggled all her life with people pleasing. She said she could not remember a time when she was free from thinking about what others thought about her. The way she dresses, the car she drives, the technology she carries, and the house she owns are all controlled to some degree by what others think of ...
- Drive By Marriage – excellent marriage help
This past summer I had the privilege of spending some time with my friend Todd Friel in his recording studio in Atlanta. Two days and twenty plus hours later we had talked through over 250 of my articles on marriage. Todd’s group at Wretched Radio did the hard work of editing and packaging and for the past ...
- I got angry at my daughter the other day
This article is part of our Devotional Series which we provide for the Members of our site. You can download this free copy to use in your small group. Our Devotional Series is designed to stimulate discussion and sanctification among friends. The other day my daughter sinned. She did wrong. She made a mistake. It was clear. It was obvious. It was objective. I was disappointed. I ...
- Men are tempted to lust – Women are tempted to be lusted after
Men are tempted to give themselves to pornography, while women are tempted to pornography. – Al Mohler Porn is a two-way street. Pornography is not just about a man who is seeking a sexual object to devour with his eyes and heart. It is also about a woman who wants to be “devoured” by the eyes of another ...
- The best reason to get married – the best reason to reconcile
Eric and Vickie are in love. They came to their first pre-marital counseling session. I asked them why they wanted to get married. Vicki explained how Eric finished her thoughts. I wondered how she would feel five years into the marriage when he stopped talking. She also said that he made her feel special. I wondered how she would feel when ...
- His needs – Her needs…aren’t real needs
How do I know when my desire for love has changed into a need for love? A very good question! Let’s start with anger. Anger is the quickest and easiest way to discern if your craving for love has jumped from a desire to a need. Remember, it is not necessarily wrong to desire, but when a desire goes bad, then ...
- God is incrementally, systematically, and purposely putting you to death
God is working to undermine you so you will be able to trust Him. Exhibit A: The Apostle Paul had a hard life. He endured many hardships because he knew Christ. It is important you understand this: knowing Christ does not give you the option to forgo suffering. The truth is, knowing Christ ensures personal suffering. For Paul, suffering was ...
- Loving me: the hidden agenda of self-esteem
I hate myself because I am so ugly. – Betty Now Betty, if you really hated yourself, you would be glad you were ugly. In fact you may even seek out ways to become uglier… …if you really hated yourself. – Counselor Dr. John Street, one of my professors at The Master’s College, shared this story with us while ...
- Pre-forgiveness is prerequisite before you can truly forgive someone
Have you ever granted forgiveness to someone who hurt you? Did you mean it? I mean, did you really, really mean it? Here’s a test: after you forgave the person were you able to talk about the hurt in such a way that communicated you were no longer sinfully controlled by those hurts? A sign of complete biblical forgiveness ...
- Backward Porn Addiction: when women draw attention to themselves
This article is part of our Devotional Series which we provide for the Members of our site. You can download this free PDF edition of Backward Porn to use in your small group. Our Devotional Series is designed to stimulate discussion and sanctification among friends. I think most of us understand what a porn addiction is. It is typically understood to be ...
- Parents used to be cool
Life Lesson 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet ...
- What shapes you?
Life Lesson 10: Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. There are many things that will define you. Here are two things that will absolutely shape your life and even control and determine to some degree what your life will be like: The media you allow ...
- Find Christ; quit pouting
Life Lesson 3: The world doesn’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. Because the world is the way it is, you need not expect it to care for you. The world is a dog-eat-dog kind of place. Parents are no different. Apart from the saving and transformative ...
- Your parents are not perfect
Life Lesson 1 - If you can’t accept the fact your parents are not perfect, you will begin your adult life on the wrong foot and with a wrong attitude. I think the first big lesson I learned as a teenager was my parents were not perfect. I’m not sure why it took me so long to learn ...
- Christ is uber-cool
Life Lesson 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one. I like this “rule.” It reminds me of Jesus. He was the epitome of a person who was unacceptable. He was despised and rejected by men. He was not esteemed in any way, shape, or form (Isaiah 53:3). He was unlovely, undesirable, unacceptable, ...
- Your disappointment is your opportunity to mature
Life Lesson 12 - No matter what happens to you, it is on you to decide if you’re going to live for God or live for yourself. There is no doubt most kids in this world are parented by parents who don’t understand how to parent. I’m one of those parents who is trying to figure it ...
- It’s me, oh Lord. I am to blame
Life Lesson 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them. James asked an obvious question about the source of our anger. I do not believe most Christians functionally understand the answer to his question. I think many Christians can give you the right theological answer, but when it comes to function–their practice, they really do ...
- Perceived disappointment could be your greatest opportunity
Life Lesson 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. Could it be that what you are going through is an opportunity for you to find God? Could it be that God has allowed the circumstances to come into your life to get your attention ...
- Life is not fair
Life Lesson 2: Life is not fair – get used to it! This is one of the hardest things for a child to adjust to. I hear my kids say “It’s not fair” from time to time and every time they say it, I think, “I hope you can get used to it because life ain’t fair.” I don’t ...
- Adulthood is more of the same
Life Lesson 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. You could say what Sykes said this way: “If you think your parents were difficult, wait until you get a boss, husband, or a wife.” Somehow I had it in my head that things would be different when I became an adult ...
- You rest in the next life
Life Lesson 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. Adulthood ends at death. No breaks. When you meet Jesus, then you’ll know it’s time to rest. It is humorous to hear today’s kids talk about how ...
- Life has losers. You may be one
Life Lesson 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to anything in real life. Did you know childhood is a test ...
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